10 commandments for healthy relationships

Posted: 12 Apr 2011 07:00 AM PDT

When couples come to see me for help repairing their relationships, I give them my 10 Commandments for Healthy Relationships. If you’re having trouble with your loved ones, keep these commandments handy.

1. Taking care of your brain is taking care of your relationships. Your brain is involved in everything you do, including how you think, how you feel, how you act, and how well you get along with other people. When your brain works right, you work right; and when your brain is troubled you are much more likely to have trouble in your relationship.

2. To have great relationships avoid things that hurt your brain, such as brain injuries, smoking, too much alcohol, any illegal drugs, obesity, sleep apnea, a poor diet, and a lack of new learning.

3. To have great relationships engage in regular brain healthy habits, such as exercise, mental exercise, great nutrition, and adequate sleep.

4. Regular sexual activity is helpful for the brain. It has been associated with a better mood and memory. Say yes more than no to physical affection.

5. To be a great lover you have to protect your blood flow.  Your brain gets 25 percent of the blood flow in your body.  To improve your blood flow eliminate anything that decreases blood flow, such as smoking or too much caffeine, and treat illnesses that negatively affect blood flow such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and diabetes.

6. Exercise together. Dancing is a particularly good exercise for the brain. Of course, if you drink while you dance, it ruins the benefits.

7. New learning is essential to keeping the brain young. Take classes together and be lifelong learning partners.

8. If either of you has brain problems, such as ADHD, bipolar disorder, depression, or a brain injury, get help.  The sooner the better, because left untreated, brain problems ruin relationships.

9. Support your partner’s efforts at having a great brain. He or she will be much nicer to you if he or she has a great brain.

10. The following supplements can fuel passion and increase your enjoyment of sexual activity.

• If you tend to be anxious and worried, 5-HTP can help to boost serotonin and give you more emotional freedom and energy to put toward your sex life. The recommended dosage is 50-100 mg two or three times daily with or without food.
• If you tend to have low energy (the “not tonight, I’m too tired” syndrome) and feel negative, SAMe may help to boost your energy and mood. The recommended dosage is 200-400 mg two to four times a day.
• Ginkgo biloba boosts blood flow to all organs in the body. The typical adult dosage is 60-120 mg twice daily.
• Panax ginseng can increase energy, decrease stress, and improve endurance. The typical adult dosage is 200 mg a day of the standardized extract, containing 4-7 percent of ginsenosides.
• DHEA is a hormone produced by the adrenal glands that is involved in the production of testosterone and estrogen. It may be beneficial for people with low testosterone, which is associated with low libido. The recommended dosage is 25-50 mg daily.
  

This entry was written by Dr. Amen, posted on April 12, 2011 at 9:00 am, filed under Love/Sex/Relationships and tagged healthy relationships. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

Receive the best by expecting the best.

Published: February 18, 2011

Have you had the experience of behaving with someone in a way that you had not intended? It just sort of came out of you suddenly? That was you experiencing the power of influence from another’s expectation. Have you noticed the personality of a child changing depending on which adult it is interacting with? Cooperative and pleasant with one person, and obstinate and cranky with another? You were witnessing the power of influence from another’s expectation.

When you train yourself into steady alignment with your own Broader Perspective, you will tap into the Energy that creates worlds, and you will be pleased by the positive response that you receive from those around you. No longer blame others with whom you share relationships; and instead, acknowledge that you are the attractor of your experience. True freedom comes from that understanding.

As you tend to your relationship between you (in your physical focus) and the Broader Perspective of your Inner Being, as you train yourself into the good-feeling thoughts of your Source, as you come into alignment with who-you-really-are, as you learn to love yourself—the others with whom you interact will not be able to buck that current of Well-Being. They will either love you back—or they will gravitate out of your experience.

A Brief Bedtime Exercise That Transforms Relationships

As you lie in your bed before sleeping, if you will think of good-feeling things from your past or present, or even speculate into your future, you will set the tone of the Vibration in which you will awaken in the morning. In the morning, when you first return to Consciousness, try to remember what you were thinking about in the evening, and make an effort to reestablish that positive trend of thought. This one small exercise will change the way everyone you meet responds to you in this new day. And as you do that—night after night, and then morning after morning—new patterns will emerge, and your relationships will transform.

Esther Hicks is an inspirational speaker and author. She co-authored eight books with her husband, Jerry Hicks. Together, they have presented Law of Attraction workshops for Abraham-Hicks Publications in up to 60 cities per year since 1987. Visit: www.Abraham-Hicks.com.

February 4th, 2011 / by Kellie Holly

When you love someone who is being abused, so much of it doesn’t make any sense at all! You look at the wonderful human being in front of you, confused and knotted up inside and red-eyed and snotty on the outside, and wonder, “Why? Why are you, my beautiful (daughter, friend, son…) so insanely sad over those lies that idiot feeds you?!”

You want to “go over there” and give that so-and-so a piece of your mind, a good whomping, SOMETHING to make them understand that what they’re doing to your beloved is NOT RIGHT.

And just about as soon as you’re through thinking all that, with or without the curse words I shouldn’t write but definitely FEEL, your loved one blows the nose, wipes the eyes, takes a deep breath, and … goes back to the abuser.

Who’s to Blame?

You think, “WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED?” followed by the disappointment that your baby “just doesn’t get it” and “Where did I go wrong?” Before you know it, you’re blaming yourself. When that gets too uncomfortable, you blame your loved one. And the next time s/he comes to you crying, maybe you get angry at THEM for putting themselves in that situation.

Your loved one will tell you, “I’m no saint either. I’ve yelled and screamed, I’ve called names too.” Your beloved will at some point get angry with you for daring to say the abuser is mean, hateful, or abusive. Your loved one will turn on their heels, fire in their eyes, and tell you that you are WRONG about the one they love. The more truth you tell, the further your beloved moves from you.

You can cry if you want. It’s okay. This situation is heart-breaking to watch, soul-piercing to see so clearly what the problem is but to be unable to make your loved one leave the relationship. My mother, sister, and a handful of people who I knew truly loved me couldn’t make me see; I had to realize it on my own, and so does your beloved.

You Can Help

In the meantime, you could educate yourself. Learn how the abuser sees your loved one, how control connections work. Learn the vocabulary of abuse. Arm yourself with the best knowledge you can find on subjects such as setting personal boundaries and detachment.

Then YOU practice detaching from your loved one’s abusive relationship. The best way to stay sane and strong for your beloved is to take care of yourself first, practice empathetic listening (not lecturing!), and then lovingly offer educated support and guidance if and when your beloved asks for it - not before.